I was born with a shot glass in my hand
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
