so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
