every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
