It's Friday. Sex?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
