i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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