can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
