hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
