Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
