Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
