I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
