I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
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