My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Best friends brother. Beat that.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
