every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
