In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
