Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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