he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
