Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Hippo gnu deer
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
