I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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