i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
