based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
