i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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