she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
