im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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