I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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