woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
