Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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