No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Your dad touched me again.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
