youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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