You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
