he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
