He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
