no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Randomize
