why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
