yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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