How'd it feel making her break her religion?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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