we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
