If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
