There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
