we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
