how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
