i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
