Will you blow on my dice?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
