5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
