you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
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