Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
