i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
