i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
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