I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
