So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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