Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
My dick has a subreddit
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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