He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
